When i have bad days they leave me to it sometimes all i need is a good cry on a shoulder and they wont give me that! any ideas on what i could do or say am at the edge!
Answer:
I think that some people don't realise how bad depression is, until they have experienced it themselves. I went thorough a bad patch and kept telling them to just leave me on my own when all I wanted was a big hug! Good luck in overcoming your depression, try and make a bit more of an effort (if you can) to socialise and make them aware you need them there for you. make them aware that it is an illness - if you had a different illness then no doubt they would be there for you. They might think that they are doing the best thing by you. Good luck, i got through it and i'm sure you can too xx
Sorry to hear that, it's hard for some people to see past themselves regardless of family ties, you need a Friend who knows that you sometimes need a shoulder, go find a Friend
I feel for you, and understand what your saying. I dont have an answer. Sometimes family really dont realise how bad you are. I have been told that the only person who can help you is yourself. You have to put out your hand and ask for the help you need. I have a friend who has suffered also for a long time, they have just completed a course of counselling and are now happy in their own skin. Please be strong enough to try this route, Im really really sure it will help you.
I think that a lot of it is because they dont want to accept it. That how it is for my father. He is an alcoholic and when he is drunk we all seem to ignore it and not try and to help.
I'm sure they don't mean too they probably just don't understand your illness and how you feel. If you can't talk to them about it get some leaflets or info so they understand better.
Hi. Have you asked them/told them what you need/want from them? Many people don't understand or know how to handle depression, particularly when it affects a loved one. Please don't misconstrue, or expect them to know how you feel...Sometimes, we simply have to ask...I assume you have a therapist; if not, please get one, and remember, you are not alone...Best to you!
I'm sure it's not because they don't care. They may simply don't really know how to handle things, as they might have never been exposed previously to someone suffering from depression. Perhaps their feelings of being uncomfortable and not knowing what to do give you the perception of them shrugging you off. Or, in the same situation of them not knowing how to handle things, trust me on this one.so many people do not understand depression. Their thought process is "lighten up, don't be sad" and they think it actually will work. Depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain. You can't wish it away and you can't just get happy. Get some literature about depression and what it truly means and ask them to read it and try to understand what you are going through and ask them to be more supportive because you really need them. You don't mention if you've ever been to your doctor, and it's really nobody's business on this forum, but if you haven't I suggest that you do. There's alot they can do to help you out. I'm sending lots of good wishes your way and I hope things get better for you.
It seems . . to a sufferer at least, that on your bad days people will see you only for the bad you do and not remember the love and fun and help you have freely given. This is not true. . though it can be quite hard to believe. It seems you have to believe in yourself before things start to get easier. A shoulder to cry on is the one thing you need, yet if the head on those shoulders does not listen or understand, then you'll only feel time times worse. You could try going to church !! its not the first thing you think of i know. but the people their will offer a sympathetic and understanding ear.and God will never turn you away. Be strong, i know you get fed up of hearing that sort of thing...but somewhere out there...is that listening ear, that loving heart that WILL understand you and bring you through all this. . . . I know, I'm there too... I can empathise.
I think number one reason is because your family doesn't fully understand the impact depression can cause.
If you feel like your family is not supportive. do you have a good friend you could talk to?...
Also, I wonder if you try to do something about your depression... you should see a doctor about this... especially if you feel like you're not getting the support you need from your family and friends... if you've been like this for 6 years... that should be a good indicator that it's not a 'seasonal' thing... your depression is not going anywhere and I think it's time to do something about it.
good luck!
I would say ignorance and misunderstanding. Perhaps your family does not know much about depression, and rather than admit it's a big problem, would rather turn away and pretend it doesn't exist. It doesn't necessarily mean they're abandoning you- they just don't know how to cope with your illness. Push them gently to learn more about it- the more they know, the more they can help you.
Also, on your bad days, perhaps that's what they think you need- space to get yourself together again. We all deal with these moments differently (whether it is frequent or not), and maybe they don't know you want/need that shoulder to cry on. Seek it out. Make your family aware of this need, and if they love you, I'm sure they'll accommodate you.
My deepest condolences on your illness, and best of luck with your family.
They ignore because they don't understand what your going through, Ive found that if people can't experience whats happening then they just cant understand what your going through ?, i have severe rheumatoid arthritis and it gets me down a lot and people just ignore me and even have suggested I'm lazy, which hurts my feelings !.
Maybe you could contact a group and talk to people in your situation and tell your family that your having to turn to strangers for support !.
Good Luck %26 All The Best :-)
Richard
Yea, I have depressive phases. My family members usually just ignore them and wait it out and then when I suddenly get better they express concern about the past. Like ****, too little to late.
I feel sorry. I don't know much about it. But I think by changing your lifestyle a bit, such as starting a hobby, gardening, keeping a pet, hanging up with friends etc. may help you. If uoy feel really bad, consult a doctor , He/She will help you to some extent.
Wish you will be fine.
Sadly, for the most part it is human nature to get caught up in your own life and everyone else's, family included, becomes second place. We're all in a hurry to get nowhere all the time, and we put family on the back burner. You need to stand up and say: You may think I and my illness are insignificant, but it's very real to me, please help me, help myself.
You have to care enough about yourself and your well-being for anyone else, too.
A second reason is that we don't like to think of people, especially family, as being broken, and essentially that is what is wrong. All is not right in your world and it scares them. If you can get broken, so can they, and every human on earth, craves perfection so ignore it and it goes away.
Stand up and be heard or if that don't work leave them to their illusions of a perfect world and get help for yourself.
Yes one cannot expect sympathy for depression , the general attitude in society is that your ''Lot;'' is the same as anyone elses better than most in the world in fact . They are ignorant to the fact that it is a physical ilness also , and in fact can go on to develop into serious physical ilness . On the rasdio yesterday there seem to be a link between Diabeetees and Depression.
I also think that Depression runs in Familys , as does even more serious ilnesses . So the family failing to acknowledge yours may be a way of shuting out their depression . You might observe that thier behaviour at times can be a little strange , Compulsive shopping , miseleness , self denila , drinking '' Just a little to much'' etc etc etc .
I would take your depression to a doctor ,but i believe you would have done that already . so as i get depressed I have decided to go for Choral singing the sounds reallly enliven you . Can you think of a Hobby therapy?
Your relations need not know that you are using it as therapy ,but they will thinkyou are trying to get better so the emphasis to give you support will be off thier shoulders , they then might be more willing to be Sympathetic , but this I cannot gaurantee
They probably just don't understand. Depression is very hard to understand. And, it's just as hard for you to explain to others. I have a good friend who has had depression for nearly all his life and we've been friends for over 12 years and I still don't fully understand. Sometimes I do just the opposite of what he needs although, not intentionally, and of course, that hurts him worse. And, sometimes I do the right thing.sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't. There are times I get pushed away and then, I get angry. It's all very, very complicated. Don't be too hard on them or feel too badly.
The only thing I can tell you is that you need to let them ask questions and they need to let you know that they will be there for you, no matter what. Just know that there will be good times and bad, but that it's an illness.it's not "you". Even though it's an ongoing thing, it will pass and you will feel better..there will be ups and downs, but the important thing is that there will be ups.
hi i understand your frustrations at the lack of understanding from your family.i tried only last night to chat to my husband in regards to my feelings but he didn't take me seriously...and basically laughed it off..supportive eh!!. maybe they are equally frustrated and don't have a clue on how to help u,maybe they just don't know what to say, maybe they feel a little responsible - i don't know but they're all possibilities. anyway u r not alone, anytime u need to talk then i and many others are here for u.
Sometimes people who you are generally close to
(such as family as you said), don't want to accept that you suffer from an illness so they ignore it to avoid feeling stress, sadness, angry... etc. They think it will be hard having someone with an illness be around them, so instead of facing up to it they hide by pretending not to care, when really they care more than anything about you're wellbeing.
You could sit down and have a talk with them and tell them what they are doing is making you upset, and ask them if they could be a bit more sensitive to you're feelings.
If that doesn't work, then go to a good friend and cry on their shoulder...that's what friends are for : )
Hope this helps.
Try asking for help. There are probably days when you are depressed that you do want to be alone and/or have snapped at family members. They learn quickly and that it might be best to avoid you during these times.
Who wants to be around someone who is depressed and going to drag them down too? Like I said, if you want someone to listen or show that they care, you might just have to ask.
When I was 14, I told my Dad I was depressed. He told me it was a talk show issue so quacks could make money. He said to quit doing the drugs (which I had never done) and lose some weight (I was only about 10 pounds over weight).
Why do you have to call it an illness? What role do you play in it?
Take care of yourself!!
Depression is all about friends and family . To recover you will need to isolate and find one new friend like yourself to share ideas on life. You are missing a lot of clues sorry dear.
View the techniques, links and advice at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris... on page 2.
I have similar situation, they feel embarassed and that your just making it up. People really struggle to come to terms with stuff that they can't see. I have had more sympathy over my broken wrist that I ever have for my depression. How about a support group ? Do you have a CPN ? There are lots of stuff available to you, I get free gym membership !!
my parents didnt even notice for ages i had depression, sometimes its hard 4 them to see that its real and right in front of them. just tell that you need more support particularly when your having your bad days not just when your at an average mood.
Hi there, maybe your family are finding it difficult to help you with your depression.Maybe they dont know what to say or do to help. I know because i have suffered the same. Just a suggestion but what about talking to the samaritons especially when you are feeling down.These people are available to talk to you day and night and are patient people who are willing to listen to you any time especially when you are feeling really down.
Unfortunately many people do not think of this as an illness. They feel that you are in control and can do something about the way you are. Prehaps they need education so they can be there to help you.
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