Ok. Heres the story...I love this guy w/ all of my heart (don't know why) but he's really mean. When I say mean, he's very mentally abusive in my opinion and he's a huge control freak. We break up all the time, usually b/c I refuse to allow him to control me but we somehow end up talking again. I think its b/c he can't control me that makes him come back and I think its b/c I can't control him that makes me come back. Sick? I know! It's almost like a game now. He got mad at me Sunday b/c I was listening to hip hop music (he typed a contract for me to sign that I would not listen to "rap" music among many other things like where I park the car in the yard and I would have a 10 o'clock curfew). Needless to say, I'm 33 and I didn't sign his damn contract. So, Sun. I was listening to rap music and he got mad b/c I said I didn't sign his contract. He called me a "dumb *****" in front of my kids, his kids and his friend. I called him when I left and asked him why he was mad and he said.
Answer:
Candy: Unfortunately mental abuse and controlling is as bad as physical abuse and in most cases it does lead to physical abuse. Abuse is abuse period. That is not love on his part AT ALL. It also destroys your self esteem and that may be one of the problems here as to why you don't tell him to leave you alone totally. I know it is hard when you love someone, it is extremely hard, I know I have been there, but when your kids see this going on, they will begin to think it is okay for them to treat others this way also or to even start disrespecting you. As hard as it may be, you need to move on. Again your self esteem is probably damaged considerably also, and you may think that you can't make it without him, but you can. You have to. Also, if you think he will find somebody else and treat them better than he treated you, YOU ARE WRONG. If he treats you this way, he will treat all of his relationships this way. It is not your fault and you did not create this problem. He has some serious issues he needs to deal with also. Don't let your kids think this kind of relationship is okay, it is not. Kids learn by observing adults and by examples of adults and they should not get into a relationship like this or treat someone as you have been treated because they think it is okay to do so if you took it.
You are very unhealthy, Seek therapy so that one day your kids won't have to.
Im not sure exactly what your questionis, but you need to leave him. My mother and step father were (and still are) in a verbaly abusive relationship. It was very, very bad on my sister and I...I still dont believe I am mentally normal at times, and I know it is from the environment in which I grew up in.so for the kids sake, you should not stay with a controlling, abusive boyfriend. Also, if you are looking for sources online, i believe that is a real big hint right there that things are not right and something needs to be done. I really, really hope you make the right decision for yourself and your family!
Well, you said it. There is something very unhealthy here and when you find yourself doing something (like being in this relationship) that you know is doing you (and for that matter your kids) no good at all, it's time to get help. You can analyse forever about control etc but you'll probably not get any closer to the underlying 'stuff' until you get into psychotherapy. Whatever has got you hooked is so deep inside and grabs you so hard that no matter how much you 'understand' it'll make no difference.
If you can't do it for yourself, do it for your kids (and his). Something has wounded you really badly and your kids are going to end up with the same sort of wounds unless you act now. Please do.
Sweetheart, OPEN YOUR EYES AND EARS ! You are being mentally abused by this man. As I think about it, so are your children. This is the kind of man that will "go off" on you and kill you honey. GET AWAY FROM HIM as soon as possible. Thank your lucky stars that he won't answer your text. I married a man just like him. I stayed in that marriage for 15 years. Do you know who it harmed the most? My sons, they heard the fighting, screaming, harsh words, etc. Indeed, this relationship is very, very SICK. You do not deserve that kind of treatment and neither does your children. Game or not...you opt out of the GAME. It is better to be alone and safe than to be with a person like this man and be in danger. Control freaks are usually the ones that will "go off" on you. Trust me honey....I HAVE BEEN THERE ! Please, protect yourself and your children and stay away from this man. I will pray for you each night now that I know you are "out there". Good Luck Sweetness !
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